It looks as though my General Exam will be occurring on 14 January. The public presentation (my minimum 45 minute talk about why and what I'm doing) will be at 1:00 p.m. Central while the defense of my proposal will start around 2:15 or 2:30 and lasting as long as my committee wants.
Yesterday, I started putting together the presentation. I like making Powerpoints because I like to put in little pictures and slide titles that are humorous -- not to mention, the PP is easy because the hard part (writing the proposal) is pretty much over. An example -- one of my first slides discusses how environmental degradation can have obvious results such as extinction of a population. Next to the list of effects, I have a cartoon dinosaur with x's for eyes lying on his back in dirt with no vegetation.
Today, I will make more slides IF I can stay awake. So far, I keep falling asleep. Trying to work. Really! ::grin::
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Thursday, December 25, 2008
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!
Just spending a quiet day at home with the folks. In a bit, I'll probably dive into my new Stephen King, but I just wanted to wish you and yours a happy holiday no matter what or how you celebrate.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
What I am today
Part of me loved reading the part about the Ph.D. Part of me now has that 80s feed the Ethiopians song in my head.
You are the World
Completion, Good Reward.
The World is the final card of the Major Arcana, and as such represents saturnian energies, time, and completion.
The World card pictures a dancer in a Yoni (sometimes made of laurel leaves). The Yoni symbolizes the great Mother, the cervix through which everything is born, and also the doorway to the next life after death. It is indicative of a complete circle. Everything is finally coming together, successfully and at last. You will get that Ph.D. you've been working for years to complete, graduate at long last, marry after a long engagement, or finish that huge project. This card is not for little ends, but for big ones, important ones, ones that come with well earned cheers and acknowledgements. Your hard work, knowledge, wisdom, patience, etc, will absolutely pay-off; you've done everything right.
What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
A good day
Today I woke up to an email from Lupa telling me she will be editing my submission to the anthology "Engaging the Spirit World" in the next month. To quote her email: "Just from a first look, the essay overall is good stuff! I'm probably going to have you tease out some ideas in more detail, but this is a good first draft."
::happy gimp squee::
To tell the truth, I thought it was a crap first draft that would never even make it to the editing stage, and that would have been all my fault because I didn't give myself nearly enough time to do a thorough job. If she still likes it after the second read/editing stage, I will endeavor to make it the best it can be. Imagine me being published in both the science and spiritual venues. Wow.
This afternoon, I visited with my pulmonologist about my random sleeping episodes. His instinct was that I have sleep apnea which is causing me to not rest properly. He wanted to try to get me in to the sleep clinic to do an overnight sleep test, but he didn't think they could get me in before I have to go back to NO to do my General Exam. Then I brought up something my friend Lance (who also has SMA) mentioned to me a few months ago. His youngest sister (who also had SMA) died a few years back from hypercapnia-induced renal failure (at least, that was my take on what he told me). She didn't breathe deeply while asleep and didn't exhale enough carbon dioxide. The kidneys act to help "scrub" CO2 from the blood, and because it took doctors a long time to catch Lori's hypercapnia (excessive blood CO2 levels), her kidneys became too stressed and ultimately failed. I brought this up to Dr. R because I also breathe shallowly while asleep, and he said that he had been thinking about hypercapnia as well. So, we decided to skip the sleep test and go straight for a BiPAP (bilevel positive airway pressure) machine which would be recommended for correcting sleep apnea or hypercapnia, and I don't have to worry about stressing my poor stone-prone kidneys.
Afterwards, we went to Target. I got Christmas presents for Mom and my niece, and I got fun knee high socks and German Black Forest chocolates (dark chocolate squares with a hint of cherry) for myself.
Altogether, a day of accomplishments.
::happy gimp squee::
To tell the truth, I thought it was a crap first draft that would never even make it to the editing stage, and that would have been all my fault because I didn't give myself nearly enough time to do a thorough job. If she still likes it after the second read/editing stage, I will endeavor to make it the best it can be. Imagine me being published in both the science and spiritual venues. Wow.
This afternoon, I visited with my pulmonologist about my random sleeping episodes. His instinct was that I have sleep apnea which is causing me to not rest properly. He wanted to try to get me in to the sleep clinic to do an overnight sleep test, but he didn't think they could get me in before I have to go back to NO to do my General Exam. Then I brought up something my friend Lance (who also has SMA) mentioned to me a few months ago. His youngest sister (who also had SMA) died a few years back from hypercapnia-induced renal failure (at least, that was my take on what he told me). She didn't breathe deeply while asleep and didn't exhale enough carbon dioxide. The kidneys act to help "scrub" CO2 from the blood, and because it took doctors a long time to catch Lori's hypercapnia (excessive blood CO2 levels), her kidneys became too stressed and ultimately failed. I brought this up to Dr. R because I also breathe shallowly while asleep, and he said that he had been thinking about hypercapnia as well. So, we decided to skip the sleep test and go straight for a BiPAP (bilevel positive airway pressure) machine which would be recommended for correcting sleep apnea or hypercapnia, and I don't have to worry about stressing my poor stone-prone kidneys.
Afterwards, we went to Target. I got Christmas presents for Mom and my niece, and I got fun knee high socks and German Black Forest chocolates (dark chocolate squares with a hint of cherry) for myself.
Altogether, a day of accomplishments.
Monday, December 08, 2008
A little drabble
Note: This is the first bit of non-science writing I've done in at least a year and a half. I was looking at a writing prompt site (don't know why, I have too much science writing to do) when I got the idea for this. It's small (just under 4300 words), and it's rough. Be gentle -- my ego is fragile of late.
Lost and Found - by Dawn M. Allenbach
8 December 2008
Original drabble
Rated: G
It was the most unusual "Lost and Found" ad I'd ever seen.
I was in the breakroom, grabbing a Reese's while waiting for some samples to run in the lab, when I saw what looked like a sheet of paper torn from a spiral notebook pinned to the bulletin board. It half-covered the ad for selling Avon that had been hanging there for months, and it looked like it had been written in a child's hand.
Lost - Kindness
Everyone rushes too fast
Please say something nice
to the next person you see
"Well, that's not so hard," I muttered to myself around a bite of peanut butter and chocolate. I walked out of the breakroom with a smile, already planning the nice thing I was going to say while peeling away the rest of the paper from my first Reese's cup. I was chewing happily and not really paying attention as I walked around a corner heading for the elevator. I hit something solid - I hit it hard - and was knocked off my new knee-high boots onto my rear end. Fortunately, the Bureau had required even us lab rats to take self-defense, so I knew how to shift my weight and land on my gluteus maximus and not on my tailbone. It still hurt, though, when I landed with an undignified "Oof!" and my legs sprawled.
"I'm sorry," a pleasant male voice said from somewhere above me. A hand appeared in front of my face, and I put the hand not still holding my candy bar into it. It was a bit hard getting back up onto my three inch heels with the support of only one hand, and I tottered for a moment until another hand caught me around the waist to steady me.
"There you are," the voice said cheerfully. "You're good to go."
I finally looked up into the face of the brick wall, and I nearly choked on the little bit of candy still in my mouth. Of all people to look like a idiot in front of, why did it have to be my Secret Agent Crush?
I must have had a funny look on my face, because he looked me up and down thoroughly from my purple-striped hair to my leather-clad toes before asking, "Are you OK?"
I nodded probably a little too quickly and managed a strangled, "Uh huh." It was the peanut butter stuck in my throat. Really.
He stuck out his hand. "I'm Michael."
"I know," I replied. My brain was all mushy and didn't make me move to shake his hand until he'd already awkwardly taken it back and shoved it in his pocket. "You work serials," was all I could think of to say.
He studied me closely. "You teased apart all those trace and DNA samples on the Chickasaw case last year." I nodded, proudly remembering the two papers I'd gotten out of that case. He smiled. "Wasn't your hair all green then?"
I nodded again, smiling that he remembered. He returned the smile and said, "That was good work . . . ?"
I was so caught up with how the fluorescents played with the blue and green in his eyes that it took me almost ten full seconds to realize he was fishing for my name. "Oh! Um, Polly. My name's Polly."
"Polly." He said it a couple more times, like he was testing the sound of it. "Nice to meet you."
He held out his hand again, and this time I took it. He held it for a few seconds, and I stood there alternating between trying not to laugh like a socially awkward fool and trying to think of something witty to say. My mind showed me the breakroom "Lost" ad again. "I like your tie," I said before I could stop myself. Did I ever mention witty isn't really in my repertoire? As his lips began to crinkle into a smile, I shoved the rest of my Reese's into his hand. "Have my other peanut butter cup," I muttered as I moved quickly past him for the elevator and my safe third floor lab.
I was almost to the lift when I heard, "Hey, Purple Polly!" Dreading the amused look I knew he'd have on his face but dreading more that he'd think me a coward, I turned back even as I reached for the up button. He was smiling, but not in the "she's a geek" way I thought he would be. His dimples were fully on show, and he raised the peanut butter cup to his mouth and asked, "Would you allow me to buy you a cup of coffee later?"
"No," I responded as I stepped into the elevator. I leaned around the door. "I will allow you to buy me a cup of tea, though." His broad smile as he nodded and headed for the breakroom nearly undid my knees.
No, being kind isn't so hard at all.
Lost and Found - by Dawn M. Allenbach
8 December 2008
Original drabble
Rated: G
It was the most unusual "Lost and Found" ad I'd ever seen.
I was in the breakroom, grabbing a Reese's while waiting for some samples to run in the lab, when I saw what looked like a sheet of paper torn from a spiral notebook pinned to the bulletin board. It half-covered the ad for selling Avon that had been hanging there for months, and it looked like it had been written in a child's hand.
Lost - Kindness
Everyone rushes too fast
Please say something nice
to the next person you see
"Well, that's not so hard," I muttered to myself around a bite of peanut butter and chocolate. I walked out of the breakroom with a smile, already planning the nice thing I was going to say while peeling away the rest of the paper from my first Reese's cup. I was chewing happily and not really paying attention as I walked around a corner heading for the elevator. I hit something solid - I hit it hard - and was knocked off my new knee-high boots onto my rear end. Fortunately, the Bureau had required even us lab rats to take self-defense, so I knew how to shift my weight and land on my gluteus maximus and not on my tailbone. It still hurt, though, when I landed with an undignified "Oof!" and my legs sprawled.
"I'm sorry," a pleasant male voice said from somewhere above me. A hand appeared in front of my face, and I put the hand not still holding my candy bar into it. It was a bit hard getting back up onto my three inch heels with the support of only one hand, and I tottered for a moment until another hand caught me around the waist to steady me.
"There you are," the voice said cheerfully. "You're good to go."
I finally looked up into the face of the brick wall, and I nearly choked on the little bit of candy still in my mouth. Of all people to look like a idiot in front of, why did it have to be my Secret Agent Crush?
I must have had a funny look on my face, because he looked me up and down thoroughly from my purple-striped hair to my leather-clad toes before asking, "Are you OK?"
I nodded probably a little too quickly and managed a strangled, "Uh huh." It was the peanut butter stuck in my throat. Really.
He stuck out his hand. "I'm Michael."
"I know," I replied. My brain was all mushy and didn't make me move to shake his hand until he'd already awkwardly taken it back and shoved it in his pocket. "You work serials," was all I could think of to say.
He studied me closely. "You teased apart all those trace and DNA samples on the Chickasaw case last year." I nodded, proudly remembering the two papers I'd gotten out of that case. He smiled. "Wasn't your hair all green then?"
I nodded again, smiling that he remembered. He returned the smile and said, "That was good work . . . ?"
I was so caught up with how the fluorescents played with the blue and green in his eyes that it took me almost ten full seconds to realize he was fishing for my name. "Oh! Um, Polly. My name's Polly."
"Polly." He said it a couple more times, like he was testing the sound of it. "Nice to meet you."
He held out his hand again, and this time I took it. He held it for a few seconds, and I stood there alternating between trying not to laugh like a socially awkward fool and trying to think of something witty to say. My mind showed me the breakroom "Lost" ad again. "I like your tie," I said before I could stop myself. Did I ever mention witty isn't really in my repertoire? As his lips began to crinkle into a smile, I shoved the rest of my Reese's into his hand. "Have my other peanut butter cup," I muttered as I moved quickly past him for the elevator and my safe third floor lab.
I was almost to the lift when I heard, "Hey, Purple Polly!" Dreading the amused look I knew he'd have on his face but dreading more that he'd think me a coward, I turned back even as I reached for the up button. He was smiling, but not in the "she's a geek" way I thought he would be. His dimples were fully on show, and he raised the peanut butter cup to his mouth and asked, "Would you allow me to buy you a cup of coffee later?"
"No," I responded as I stepped into the elevator. I leaned around the door. "I will allow you to buy me a cup of tea, though." His broad smile as he nodded and headed for the breakroom nearly undid my knees.
No, being kind isn't so hard at all.
Monday, December 01, 2008
Music Monday
I'm going to apologize right out of the gate to anyone using dial-up to read this blog, because it has as many videos as I could nab and links to others. You see, today's entry is about music and how it affects our moods, and what better way to try to experience what I'll be talking about than to hear the music? Some of these have an emotional tie that you won't be able to experience, but some of these are all about the lyrics.
Saturday night I spent some time alone with my music, really listening to it and letting myself feel the emotions it invoked rather than it just being background noise while I wrote on the prospectus or made dinner. It was a bit of an emotional roller coaster, and I wanted to share some of those feelings since I've gotten good at bottling things up until I explode. I can group the songs into three basic groups: Songs that Remind Me I'm Not As Cynical as I Wish I Were, Songs of Remembrance, and Songs of Strength and Hope.
Songs that Remind Me I'm Not As Cynical as I Wish I Were
I'm not as cynical as I used to be – and I blame it on the Depo! That darned "feel good" hormone progesterone coursing through my body is turning me into a soft girly girl who cries every time she sees the Sarah McLachlan ASPCA commercial on TV. Though I must admit that it's awfully nice to not have a heavy, soul-draining, irregularly-timed period every month-ish. Here are some tunes that played today that get me thinking about having someone special.
If I Were You, Collin Raye - This one's double listed. For the most part it belongs here because it's a love song, but it's not a cheesy, sappy love song (there's a little cynicism!). Collin Raye sings as part of a couple who's partner has just asked "Where we go from here?" He tells it straight up - he doesn't know ("Is what we have enough to last a whole life through? Who knows, baby, who knows."), but he'd like to figure it out ("I won't promise the moon, but I promise to be here."). The song is about real love, not idealized love. He doesn't know what the future holds, "But what if together it gets better every day?" Well, his answer is simple, really - "If I were you, I'd fall in love with me."
Chances Are, , Martina McBride and Bob Seger - This is a nice duet, and the singers' voices are nicely opposing. Seger's is deep and gravelly while McBride's is higher and smooth. They work well together with Seger's piano. A bit of the song play in the Sandra Bullock/Harry Connick Jr. movie "Hope Floats," and its tone fits really well with the movie in that it's about a love you weren't expecting that works its way subtly into your heart until one day you wake up and go, "Well, hell. I'm in love." It's shown in McBride's verse:
I remember clearly how you looked the night we met
I recall your laughter and your smile
I remember how you made me feel so at ease
I remember all your grace, your style
And now you're all I long to see
You've come to mean so much to me
It's a sweet song that I like to listen to over and over.
Shiver, Jamie O'Neal - This song is sexy. It's meant to elicit the physical and describe how a person can turn to goo just with a glance from her partner. A verse and the chorus:
I love the way your whisper slowly, softly lingers
in my ear
You move a little lower, the world starts spinning slower
Then it disappears
Your lips so close we kiss almost
Just barely touch, but that's enough to make me
Shiver
Tremble
I never, no I never once felt so much
It shakes me how you take me
Deeper than I've ever been it's to the core under my skin
I shiver
It's hot!
Songs of Remembrance
There You'll Be, Faith Hill - This song was very popular in the months after my sister died, but I didn't pay too much attention to it for quite some time. One night, I was relaxing before bed and just sitting still while listening to music. This song came on, and I really listened to the lyrics. I thought of how, when we were young, my sister and I had always backed each other up and been each other's best friend. "You showed me how it feels to feel the sky within my reach, and I always will remember all the strength you gave to me. Your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you. You were right there for me." I never truly recognized that I had learned a lot about inner strength of my little sister, but I suddenly knew while listening to this song that I hadn't learned enough. With the last lines of the chorus -- "I'll keep a part of you with me, and everywhere I am, there you'll be" -- I promised to keep my sister's strength and optimism with me, especially when it seems all in a situation is lost.
No Frontiers, The Corrs - For my brother's funeral, I made a CD of some of his favorite songs to play while folks gathered for the services. We finally figured out how to make the church's sound system work right before the services began, so the only song that got played was this one that I picked for when we all left the church for graveside services. This was one of our favorite songs when we lived together, and we often played Mary Black's version from a Celtic CD. When Paul discovered The Corrs years later ("It's a group of three hot Irish chicks and their brother" was how he described them), he often commented that he preferred their version over Black's.
In your eyes
Faint as a singing of a lark
But somehow this black night feels warmer for their spark
Warmer for the spark
To hold us ‘til the day when fear will lose its grip
And Heaven has its way
Heaven knows no frontiers
And I’ve seen Heaven in your eyes
My brother moved past any insecurities and fears he may have felt and lived a good life. Would that everyone could.
Faithfully, Journey - I went to the same Muscular Dystrophy Association summer camp from age eight until age twenty-one, and I made some of my best friends there. Every year we had a talent show, and after the show we had a concert from the Airheads, our in-house air band made up of mostly male staff members and a couple of boy campers. We all acted as if we were at a big time concert, screaming and throwing ourselves at the "band" members. It was great fun. The Airheads specialized in "covering" REO Speedwagon, Bryan Adams, and Journey, and every year they performed "Faithfully." This song always puts a smile on my face, and sometimes it makes me cry, because it reminds me of good friends.
Songs of Strength and Hope
If I Were You, Collin Raye - I know I mentioned this song already, but it has two great lines that I need to print and put up near my home and lab computers. "If I were you I'd promise to live life for all it's worth, take all that you've been given and leave your mark upon this Earth." This is what I've been trying to do all my life. I've been trying to push through the stereotypes of disability, to show people (including some in my extended family) that a person in a wheelchair can contribute more to her/his community and the world than having a nice, safe office job. Please be aware that I am not down on office jobs. That's just not what I've been called to do. I'm a scientist, and I refuse to let bad dreams of being "fired" by advisor scare me off.
I Will Be, Lila McCann – This whole song is about believing in yourself, having confidence in yourself, and reaching for as high a goal as you dare. I don't think I can say any more than that. There's no video here, but you can hear the song at least.
I will be here, I will be strong
I'll face my fears when the night is long
And still go on
I will be brave, I will be bold
Follow my faith to a higher road
And I'm not there yet
But I will be
Saturday night I spent some time alone with my music, really listening to it and letting myself feel the emotions it invoked rather than it just being background noise while I wrote on the prospectus or made dinner. It was a bit of an emotional roller coaster, and I wanted to share some of those feelings since I've gotten good at bottling things up until I explode. I can group the songs into three basic groups: Songs that Remind Me I'm Not As Cynical as I Wish I Were, Songs of Remembrance, and Songs of Strength and Hope.
Songs that Remind Me I'm Not As Cynical as I Wish I Were
I'm not as cynical as I used to be – and I blame it on the Depo! That darned "feel good" hormone progesterone coursing through my body is turning me into a soft girly girl who cries every time she sees the Sarah McLachlan ASPCA commercial on TV. Though I must admit that it's awfully nice to not have a heavy, soul-draining, irregularly-timed period every month-ish. Here are some tunes that played today that get me thinking about having someone special.
If I Were You, Collin Raye - This one's double listed. For the most part it belongs here because it's a love song, but it's not a cheesy, sappy love song (there's a little cynicism!). Collin Raye sings as part of a couple who's partner has just asked "Where we go from here?" He tells it straight up - he doesn't know ("Is what we have enough to last a whole life through? Who knows, baby, who knows."), but he'd like to figure it out ("I won't promise the moon, but I promise to be here."). The song is about real love, not idealized love. He doesn't know what the future holds, "But what if together it gets better every day?" Well, his answer is simple, really - "If I were you, I'd fall in love with me."
Chances Are, , Martina McBride and Bob Seger - This is a nice duet, and the singers' voices are nicely opposing. Seger's is deep and gravelly while McBride's is higher and smooth. They work well together with Seger's piano. A bit of the song play in the Sandra Bullock/Harry Connick Jr. movie "Hope Floats," and its tone fits really well with the movie in that it's about a love you weren't expecting that works its way subtly into your heart until one day you wake up and go, "Well, hell. I'm in love." It's shown in McBride's verse:
I remember clearly how you looked the night we met
I recall your laughter and your smile
I remember how you made me feel so at ease
I remember all your grace, your style
And now you're all I long to see
You've come to mean so much to me
It's a sweet song that I like to listen to over and over.
Shiver, Jamie O'Neal - This song is sexy. It's meant to elicit the physical and describe how a person can turn to goo just with a glance from her partner. A verse and the chorus:
I love the way your whisper slowly, softly lingers
in my ear
You move a little lower, the world starts spinning slower
Then it disappears
Your lips so close we kiss almost
Just barely touch, but that's enough to make me
Shiver
Tremble
I never, no I never once felt so much
It shakes me how you take me
Deeper than I've ever been it's to the core under my skin
I shiver
It's hot!
Songs of Remembrance
There You'll Be, Faith Hill - This song was very popular in the months after my sister died, but I didn't pay too much attention to it for quite some time. One night, I was relaxing before bed and just sitting still while listening to music. This song came on, and I really listened to the lyrics. I thought of how, when we were young, my sister and I had always backed each other up and been each other's best friend. "You showed me how it feels to feel the sky within my reach, and I always will remember all the strength you gave to me. Your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you. You were right there for me." I never truly recognized that I had learned a lot about inner strength of my little sister, but I suddenly knew while listening to this song that I hadn't learned enough. With the last lines of the chorus -- "I'll keep a part of you with me, and everywhere I am, there you'll be" -- I promised to keep my sister's strength and optimism with me, especially when it seems all in a situation is lost.
No Frontiers, The Corrs - For my brother's funeral, I made a CD of some of his favorite songs to play while folks gathered for the services. We finally figured out how to make the church's sound system work right before the services began, so the only song that got played was this one that I picked for when we all left the church for graveside services. This was one of our favorite songs when we lived together, and we often played Mary Black's version from a Celtic CD. When Paul discovered The Corrs years later ("It's a group of three hot Irish chicks and their brother" was how he described them), he often commented that he preferred their version over Black's.
In your eyes
Faint as a singing of a lark
But somehow this black night feels warmer for their spark
Warmer for the spark
To hold us ‘til the day when fear will lose its grip
And Heaven has its way
Heaven knows no frontiers
And I’ve seen Heaven in your eyes
My brother moved past any insecurities and fears he may have felt and lived a good life. Would that everyone could.
Faithfully, Journey - I went to the same Muscular Dystrophy Association summer camp from age eight until age twenty-one, and I made some of my best friends there. Every year we had a talent show, and after the show we had a concert from the Airheads, our in-house air band made up of mostly male staff members and a couple of boy campers. We all acted as if we were at a big time concert, screaming and throwing ourselves at the "band" members. It was great fun. The Airheads specialized in "covering" REO Speedwagon, Bryan Adams, and Journey, and every year they performed "Faithfully." This song always puts a smile on my face, and sometimes it makes me cry, because it reminds me of good friends.
Songs of Strength and Hope
If I Were You, Collin Raye - I know I mentioned this song already, but it has two great lines that I need to print and put up near my home and lab computers. "If I were you I'd promise to live life for all it's worth, take all that you've been given and leave your mark upon this Earth." This is what I've been trying to do all my life. I've been trying to push through the stereotypes of disability, to show people (including some in my extended family) that a person in a wheelchair can contribute more to her/his community and the world than having a nice, safe office job. Please be aware that I am not down on office jobs. That's just not what I've been called to do. I'm a scientist, and I refuse to let bad dreams of being "fired" by advisor scare me off.
I Will Be, Lila McCann – This whole song is about believing in yourself, having confidence in yourself, and reaching for as high a goal as you dare. I don't think I can say any more than that. There's no video here, but you can hear the song at least.
I will be here, I will be strong
I'll face my fears when the night is long
And still go on
I will be brave, I will be bold
Follow my faith to a higher road
And I'm not there yet
But I will be